Time
by Cheyennes
Summary: Jaz has been successfully rescued from Iran and now it is time for both her and her team to recover from those events.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Happy weekend! I've mentioned before that I imagined Jaz's rescue from Iran occuring in many different ways. This was one of the stories I wrote back while those episodes were airing. I hope you enjoy.

Time

The last few days had been challenging. Some of the hardest of Adam's life and he'd had some hard ones. Jaz being captured and tortured had hit every button he had. He hadn't been able to rest for even a second imagining what she was going through. His whole being had been focused on getting her back.

Fortunately they had been successful at retrieving Jaz but not before she had been through a lot. Now they were back at Base and he was staring into space instead of working on his overdue reports. He was finding it hard to stay focused when his mind kept wandering elsewhere. Not just elsewhere but to someone else. A black haired dynamo to be exact. One whom he had left sitting quietly on her hospital bed. Sitting too quietly. Something that he was going to need to address in the near future. She was going to need to talk to someone and he had the perfect person in mind.

He had jut started working on the reports again when McG walked into their hut with Jaz in his arms. Adam pushed up from his chair practically upending it in the process. How could this be? He had been assured she would be in their Base hospital for at least two days.

"Why isn't she in the hospital, McG?"

"Because she doesn't want to be."

 _Seriously?! Because she doesn't want to be?!_ He wished he could make his life unfold exactly the way he wanted it. If so, Jaz wouldn't have needed a hospital in the first place.

He couldn't resist walking over to get a better look at her. She looked so small in McG's arms. Fragile. He couldn't see her face because it was turned into McG's chest. For the moment all of her injuries were hidden.

"Top, she isn't heavy, but she's dead weight. I don't want to drop her if she moves around."

Adam quickly stepped out of their way but his anxiety was climbing. Jaz wasn't ready to be here. Or maybe he wasn't ready for her to be here? He wanted her to be getting the medical and psychological care that she needed. But regardless of how he felt, she was here, so it was time to suck it up and deal. There were plenty of days he thought he should get that phrase tattooed somewhere on his body.

Following them down the hall, he walked into her room and pulled down the blankets and sheets on her bed. McG very gently laid her down without disturbing her. Once she was settled, Adam covered her up so she would stay warm.

"What happened, McG?"

"You mean why is she out cold?"

"Yes. We're going to get back to why she's here in just a minute."

"Honestly, Top, she was doing pretty good. She must be sensitive to the injection of pain medication they gave her before we left. Initially she was leaning on me for some extra support but she was walking under her own power. We were almost here when she said she was a little dizzy and then her balance went a little wonky. I was afraid she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up, and the next thing I knew she was out like a light."

"Okay, that mystery is explained. Back to my other question. Why is she here?"

"I know a little less about that one. She was settled in her room, watching a game show with me, and the next thing I know I'm asked to leave as this guy goes in to debrief her. Less than 10 minutes later he walks out, talks to the doctor, and they tell me she's being discharged under my medical supervision."

"Did you talk to Jaz?"

"Yes, she said they agreed she was fine, and since she was, she wanted to come home."

Adam was frustrated. She didn't even know if she was fine yet. They'd only made it back eight hours ago. He couldn't believe that Medical was allowing this to happen. He still hadn't let go of the tension he'd been carrying since her capture. How could he? He'd seen the blood splatter on her prison uniform and knew she had multiple injuries that weren't visible. During her rescue, when he had held her in his arms, one small sob escaped her. It had said more than any number of words could have said. While Jaz was prone to outbursts of anger, she normally didn't show any of her softer emotions. Even though it was only one second of emotional pain, he had felt it like a knife to his chest. It just showed him how much she had been affected by her experiences.

"Do you think she's fine, McG?"

"Of course not. But her injuries aren't so severe that I can't manage them. Honestly, I'm so happy we got her back that I'm willing to do whatever she needs."

Adam closed his eyes and squeezed the bridge of his nose, "I'm happy she's back too. You know I am. I just don't want to do more harm than good. It's not like she's going to wake up tomorrow and everything will be back to normal."

"I know, Top. But if she wants to pretend it is, would that be such a bad thing?"

McG hit the big question head on. He wasn't qualified to make these types of decisions. He was superb at what he did and he knew it. But knowing how to deal with a traumatized teammate? Totally not in his skill set but it was looking like he'd better learn fast.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, follows, and favorite story notices I received. Glad you are enjoying the story.

Adam watched as McG hesitated and then reached over to pull a small pillow off Jaz's shelves. It wasn't the most attractive thing, and certainly didn't seem to match Jaz's style, but it was somehow vaguely familiar. He watched McG curiously as he gently placed it on Jaz's chest. Seconds later she reached for it and slowly rolled to her side hugging it close. He swore McG got misty eyed for a moment.

"What am I missing?"

McG looked at him, back to Jaz, and then looked at him again.

"I'm not really supposed to know."

"Know what, McG?"

"You remember when Elijah died. How quiet she was afterwards?"

"Of course I do. We were all pretty devastated."

"Well, Jaz tried not to show it, but she really wasn't in a good place. She wasn't eating and she wasn't sleeping. Losing him blew her out of the water. Elijah was her best friend and the one that helped her feel like a part of this team. Honestly I got the impression he might have been her first real friend. One who didn't want anything from her except her friendship."

Adam thought back to when she had first joined the team. She'd had a pretty big chip on her shoulder but he'd wanted her regardless because she was the best possible candidate. She was fast, a crack shot, adaptable, smart, and able to hold her own against opponents twice her size. Unfortunately, she'd initially had a hard time integrating with the team. Being the only girl on the special teams made her unique and they had struggled to adapt to one another at first. Fortunately Elijah had four sisters, apparently all as feisty as Jaz, and he was comfortable with her from the beginning. Jaz, on the other hand, hadn't seemed to know what to do with him. But Elijah was nothing if not persistent. He would partner with her every day to show her around, tease her, and generally make her comfortable. Over time they became two peas in a pod. Where one was, the other was. Whenever one of them was having a bad day, they would disappear together for hours and they would return with laughter and smiles. Gradually her bond with Elijah matured into bonds with the rest of the team.

"From your face I can see you remember how they were together, Top. Preach was watching her very closely after his death. He saw how lost she was and he worried. Worried that we might lose her from the team too. Wondered if she'd ask for a transfer rather than have to deal with the memories every day. One night I stumbled on him, Skyping with his wife, and making that pillow with her help. It's actually one of Elijah's flannel shirts stuffed with batting scented with his aftershave. Not just any shirt but that really ugly flannel one she bought him as a gag gift that one birthday. Remember how he wore it around all the time, just because she gave it to him, and it drove her nuts since she never expected him to wear it?"

He remembered now. There had been a lot of laughter shared over that ugly flannel. It just looked so different now that it wasn't hanging from Elijah's lanky frame.

"Preach sewed the whole thing by hand. One day, while she was out running alone again for hours, he put it on her bed. She found it when she got out of the shower. You remember that night she didn't come to dinner about two weeks after he had passed? How you wanted to go look for her but Preach and I convinced you she was tired?"

"I do. I was worried about her. I knew she was struggling to eat with us at the table while Elijah's chair sat empty."

"Well, that was the night he had left the pillow for her and she'd ended up crying herself to sleep. Preach found her and closed the door so she could rest. I peeked my head in shortly thereafter and saw the same thing he did. Honestly, until that night, I don't think she had cried since he'd died. She was in shock the first two days and then she just bottled it up. I know for certain it was the first full night she had slept since his death. The next day you could see she already looked better. She knows one of us made that pillow for her but she doesn't know who. It meant a lot to her that one of us recognized what she was going through without making her talk about it. She's never spoken about it, but when I see that pillow on her bed, I know something is bothering her. It just seemed appropriate to give it to her now. She could probably use some comfort even though I'm sure she's telling herself she's fine."

Top had to admit that ugly pillow made him misty eyed too now that he knew it's origin story. Preach was unbelieveably perceptive and was one of the reasons their team's personal dynamics were so good. He saw a problem and quietly went about fixing it.

Adam pulled himself back to the present and they both stepped out of her room. The door was closed most of the way to give her some privacy but still open enough to allow them to hear her if she needed something. He still felt like she should be under continuous medical supervision but the best they could do now was keep an eye on her. He really hoped she would sleep through the night while he came to terms with her presence. Fortunately, he got his wish.

It was the sounds of morning activity that ultimately woke Jaz. Her eyes weren't even open yet but she wanted to go back to sleep. She was so tired and she hurt. Still hurt. So much for her hope that some pain meds and a good night's sleep would be the cure for what ailed her. Not that she hadn't been hurt before. She had learned to deal with pain from a very young age. Her father had loved to take his frustrations out on her. Broken fingers. Broken toes. The broken ribs had always been the worst. Through the years she had racked up an impressive amount of injuries. But an inventory of her current state indicated that this might be the most pain she had ever been in at one time. Instead of just one area being painful her entire body throbbed.

"Well you'll just have to suck it up like the old days," she thought to herself.

She finally did open her eyes and found herself staring at the ceiling. It wasn't a dream. It really was the ceiling above her rack. She remembered now that a counselor had come to see her in the hospital. He had asked for a debrief which she gave him. He didn't ask any personal questions which was not what she had expected. She thought that was what they were supposed to do. He just wanted to know what he could do to help her. When she told him he could help her get released she never imagined that he would. Everything else was a little hazy. She remembered hanging onto McG and then . . .nothing. She hoped she hadn't done anything girly like pass out from the pain. They would never let her live it down.

She hugged the small pillow that one of her teammates had made her and thought of the events of the last few days. She had definitely had better weeks. On the positive side, she was pleasantly surprised she had slept nightmare free. She certainly had enough new material to fuel them.

Jaz knew she should get up and join the rest of the team. Her internal clock assured her it was well past breakfast. In fact, she was kind of surprised no one had rousted her earlier. Since they must be feeling sorry for her, she decided to take advantage of the situation and stay in bed for as long as possible. With that goal in mind she allowed herself to drift back into a deep sleep.

A couple hours later, after a run and a shower, Dalton walked into the common area and greeted his team.

"Good morning."

The same greeting was echoed back at him. Clearly everyone had finished their morning PT, and apparently breakfast as well, based on the pile of drying dishes. He looked around and noted one member was conspicuously absent.

"Where's Jaz?"

"The hospital" were the words that left Amir's mouth while at the same time McG said "in bed". All of the men turned to look at McG.

"In bed at the hospital?" Preach's voice inquired.

"No, in her room. She was still sleeping the last time I checked on her. She needs the rest."

Preach immediately turned to him, "Top?"

Adam couldn't blame Preach for looking confused.

"What can I say Preach? Apparently she didn't want to stay so they let her go."

Everyone except McG had the same look on their face, the "yeah cause that's how the military works" look.

"McG, you're the one tasked with her health so you'd better see that she's getting regular meals. There'll be no food left for her if she doesn't get out here to get her share. Why don't the rest of you make yourselves scarce so we aren't all staring at her. She won't appreciate it."

McG disappeared towards their sleeping area while he started on some eggs and bacon for the both of them. There were already some of Amir's famous hash browns in the fridge and biscuits on the counter so he started reheating those as well. He was finished just about the time he heard McG chuckle as he entered the room. Jaz had her arm wrapped through his and they walked slowly towards the table.

"I was just telling Jaz you were worried we would eat all the food if she didn't come and claim some for herself."

"Very true. I got rid of the rest of the vultures so now our breakfast is served."

He smacked McG's hand away from the bacon on her plate which startled a chuckle from Jaz. It was a nice sound.

"Let the woman eat. You already had breakfast."

"Always room for seconds."

Adam shook his head as he joined them at the table and turned the conversation towards operational matters. He watched as Jaz picked at her food. He could tell she wasn't very hungry but was trying to eat because she knew her body needed the energy to heal. The conversation flowed around her but she wasn't really participating.

"What do you think, Jaz?" McG prompted.

"Huh?"

"Video game competition? You pick the game?"

"Sure."

It sounded like a good plan. She could sit all day long in the comfortable chairs set up near the TV. In the past, when everyone participated, their competitions had been known to last 18 hours. It would be a nice way to spend the day and wouldn't require much energy on her part.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: Thanks for the reviews, comments, and PM. I'm glad everyone is enjoying the story. Thanks to those who have been sending me suggestions for other future stories. I'll keep them in mind when I'm ready to start the next one.

They got started on the first round of the competition as soon as the rest of the guys returned. The day passed quickly as everyone participated in the challenge. Aside from bathroom breaks, meal breaks, and pain medication breaks for Jaz, it was all competition all the time. When she was playing she was totally engaged and when she was watching she enjoyed the laughter. As night fell, McG draped an afghan over her for warmth. She tucked it around herself and curled up in the recliner placing her head on the armrest. Top and Amir were determined to end one another and were being quite entertaining in the process. She was fairly certain she knew who would win. Unfortunately, she didn't have the opportunity to see the ending as her eyes fell shut.

McG was impressed she had lasted as long as she had. It was the wee hours of the morning when she finally drifted off. Top and Amir continued to play but they were no longer working hard to entertain her. Now they were all business trying to kill each other off. It wasn't long before Top had finished the job. After a round of congratulations, and promises of retaliation next time, Top turned to McG.

"Why don't you get some rack time? I'll stay with Jaz for tonight."

"Are you sure?"

"How much trouble can she be?"

They both smiled. She could be a lot of trouble when she was of the mind to be, but for now she looked far from threatening. She was curled on her side in the leather recliner with the afghan pulled to her chin. Her hair was falling loosely around her face and it made her look softer and more vulnerable than they were used to seeing.

As the team filtered out Adam cleaned up the area before taking a seat in a recliner across from hers. The position allowed him to get a good look at her. Her skin was still pale and the bruises and scrapes on her face and neck were quite noticeable. She definitely qualified for hospital time. On the other hand, he had watched her have a good time today and she wouldn't have had the experience if she'd been in the hospital. Maybe her being here wasn't such a bad thing after all.

He saw her shiver and grabbed another blanket and tucked it around her. The T-shirt she was wearing wasn't really warm enough for the local nighttime temperatures. However, with her injuries, he was certain changing into a warmer shirt would have been a painful experience.

He grabbed another one of the donated afghans and draped it over himself as he quietly raised the leg rest of his chair. Unlike Jaz he wouldn't be able to fit his bulk in the chair itself. He drifted off to sleep while watching her do the same.

His internal alarm woke him after five hours of sleep which put the time at 8 am. As he opened his eyes he saw Jaz was still in the same position. Clearly, based on the quiet, the rest of the team was asleep as well. He started on breakfast knowing the sounds and smells would ultimately wake everyone. Pancakes were one of Jaz's favorite foods so he decided to make those in hopes that she would eat more today. It wasn't long before he heard footsteps behind him and turned to see her with the afghan wrapped around herself. She still looked half asleep.

"Need any help?" she asked.

"Nope. Just about done which means the rest of the pack. . .and there some of them are now. . . should be here momentarily. Why don't you take a seat and get yourself some of the pancakes before they're gone."

She settled in her chair at the same time that Preach grabbed her plate and put three pancakes on it along with some bacon. He put it, the warm maple syrup, and two of her pain pills in front of her. She knocked back the pills with juice, dug into the feast, and focused on eating while the rest of the group talked. She was sort of zoning in and out of their conversation but between the pain medication and her hunger she was focused on eating.

"These pancakes are fantastic," she declared.

The rest of the team seconded the statement. Adam didn't let it go to his head. After all he was pretty sure she hadn't been fed regularly during her captivity. She ate until she couldn't eat anymore and then, leaving the guys still at the table, she went to wash up. Her pain was still pretty significant so a shower was out but she knew she could still wash up some in the sink.

After she left the kitchen, the conversation turned to activities of the day. Preach, Amir, and McG all had plans to keep themselves occupied. Adam wished he could join them but he had too many other responsibilities.

"I'll stay back with Jaz. I have plenty of paperwork requiring completion."

They were sure he did. One thing was certain in the military: the higher up the chain of command you went the more the paperwork multiplied. By the time Jaz made her way back out to the common area he was already working on some after-action reports.

"Where is everyone?"

"They all went out to play. I have the pleasure of paperwork from the last month to do. So it's a win-win for you since you get to control the TV today."

She was well aware that this was truly a prime opportunity. The men usually always controlled the remote. She could watch anything she wanted even the "girly" programs McG teased her over. She flipped through the channels and flipped through them again but she was restless. She wasn't used to sitting for so long and couldn't find anything to capture her attention.

As for Adam, he'd been watching her for the last half an hour rather than working on his reports. She hadn't settled in as he had hoped.

"Something wrong, Jaz?"

"I guess my heart isn't in TV today. I think I'll go to my room and read a book. Unless you need me for something?"

"No, go and enjoy the book while it's quiet."

She took him up on the offer. Yet he discovered she must not have had the energy, as an hour later he found the book on her chest and her sound asleep. He put the book back on her shelves and covered her with her blanket. Unfortunately this impromptu nap would probably mean a restless night for her but he didn't want to wake her.

He walked back out to the common area and was surprised to see his visitor. A second later he realized he shouldn't be surprised at all.

"Xander, you're the one that got her released from the hospital," he accused.

"Guilty as charged," he said as he took a seat next to Adam's desk.

Adam took the hint and sat down there as well.

"Where is Sgt. Khan?"

"She's sleeping at the moment."

"She could use the rest. How are you?"

"I was doing okay right until one of my team members walked in carrying another who was a hospital escapee."

Xander couldn't stop his smile, "She wasn't an escapee but more of a parolee."

"I don't understand why you let her go."

It was a valid question and Xander gave some thought as to how to best answer it before he started speaking.

"I don't think you know but your team member, Elijah, used to come and see me pretty frequently when Sgt. Khan joined your dynamic. Not because he was having problems but because he wanted to help Sgt. Khan become a part of your team. He told me enough about her to know that she usually won't tell you what she needs. You just have to figure it out. So when she asked to leave the hospital, and I saw the look in her eyes when she asked, I knew it wasn't a want but a need. I don't know everything that happened to her but for whatever reason she needs to be here."

"Great. No pressure," Adam said with a pained chuckle.

"I'm going to give you some of my best advice, Adam. Trust yourself. You're an intuitive guy. Listen not just to what she says but what her body language tells you. Based on her file, and everything Elijah said, she's a pretty resilient person. She really is going to be fine but it'll take a little bit of time. I'll be around but I think you and your team will help her heal more than I could ever hope to do on my own."

"I just don't want to make things worse. She's been through a lot. Actually we've all been through a lot. I don't know if you heard but I almost had to leave her behind. If we hadn't come up with a Hail Mary she'd probably be dead."

"Just remember that she isn't and you and your team are the reason why. You know it and she knows it. Facing one's mortality isn't an easy thing. Facing the mortality of others can be even harder."

"You hit that nail on the head. The thought that she was being tortured? That she could die? It was all I could think about. I would have traded myself for her in a heartbeat. I didn't like feeling powerless."

"Who does? Just keep in mind that you did everything you could for her when you could. If you could have gotten to her sooner you would have. As I've said to you before, "life isn't fair", but sometimes the hard things we go through make us better people."

Xander waited a few seconds to let Adam absorb everything he had just said.

"I'm going to leave you with that sage wisdom and take myself off to see another client. Remember that I'm around if you need me."

Adam wished him well before returning to his reports. He finally finished them around 6 pm when the rest of the guys started filtering back in. Each one wanted to know where Jaz was and he assured them she was sleeping again. McG frowned which caught Adam's attention,

"Problem?"

"I guess I'm just surprised. I expected her to need more rest than usual but not quite this much."

As if McG had summoned her, her soft voice came from the doorway, "McG, something's wrong."


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: I know everyone wanted to kill me after I left you hanging at the end of the last chapter. ;) Here is the continuation I promised.

Every man in the room was laser focused on Jaz now. She was leaning heavily against the doorway, as pale as a ghost, with dark patches of color across her cheeks and nose. McG covered the distance between them and picked her up in his arms. Her cry of pain made him flinch as he hurried to sit her in one of the recliners. He crouched down in front of her. A quick touch of her forehead told him that no thermometer was needed to prove she was burning up. She leaned forward into him lacking the strength to hold herself upright.

"Someone get me my bag please."

Amir ran to get it while he brushed her hair back with his hand, "Tell me what's going on."

"I was fine this morning but when I sat down to watch TV I couldn't get settled. I was achy and restless. I decided to read a book in my room but the words were blurry so I laid it down for a second. The next thing I knew I woke up because I was freezing. I could tell hours had passed. Once I was able to get myself out of the bed I came to find you."

Amir handed him his bag and he pulled away slightly to start checking her vitals while still providing her with some support. When he was finished he looked over to Adam who had also crouched down, "She's tachycardic with a fever of 103. I need to get this under control."

She leaned forward again and rested her forehead against his shoulder, "Please don't make me go back to the hospital."

McG looked at Adam who couldn't do anything more than shrug. It was really McG's decision.

"I'll make you a deal, Jaz. I'll treat you here for two days. If you get worse we go back immediately. If you start getting better by the night after tomorrow you can stay. Deal?"

She nodded her head against his shoulder. Her position gave McG the opportunity to see that the back of her black T-shirt was glistening in the light. He reached around to touch it and she flinched and inhaled sharply. When he pulled his hand away he found it wet with her blood.

He tilted her chin up with his clean hand, "Does your back hurt?"

"Everything hurts."

"Top, if you could take my place, I'm going to get a better look."

Adam moved in front of her and let her rest her head on his shoulder. She was certainly throwing off a ton of heat. She stiffened as McG slowly pulled the back of her shirt up.

"Jaz," McG's voice was a pained whisper of sound.

Preach and Amir had paled considerably at what had been exposed. Adam stood slightly to look over at her back and saw the crisscrossing whip marks torn into her skin. They were seeping and certain areas were showing clear signs of infection. He crouched back down and began counting backwards from 100 by 7's to calm himself. Thank God McG was the one that had to talk. He was too angry at what had been done to her to even attempt it.

"I think I found the problem, Jaz. Some of these wounds are infected. I need to clean them out and you'll need some antibiotics," McG informed her calmly.

Jaz nodded her understanding. She wasn't going to let that asshole interrogator kill her through an untreated infection. She was going to be the last man standing. She realized she had zoned out when McG took one arm and Top took the other and pulled her to a standing position. Even with their grip she felt like she was going to end up in a puddle on the floor. They practically carried her to the couch and laid her on her stomach. She had an IV in her hand in seconds and shivered as a burning sensation swam up her arm.

"There you go. Just a little more medication to make this easier."

She heard McG talking to Amir and Preach giving them various orders. A blanket was draped over her legs and pulled to her waist. She felt cold air on her back as someone cut through her shirt leaving her in her modest sports bra. Top was sitting on the floor near her head, holding her hand, and she could realized he had been talking to her for a while. She realized she was drifting in and out of consciousness and she enjoyed the sensation right up until McG probed the wounds. She practically broke Top's hand in response.

"I thought you gave her stronger pain meds?"

"I did, Top. A mild sedative too but there's no way this isn't going to hurt some."

Adam caught Jaz's attention, "Are you sure you want to do this here? I'm certain they have better pain medications at the hospital."

"I'm sure," she slurred.

"Okay. Get it done, McG."

McG moved as quickly as he could to open and drain the wounds while packing them with antibiotics. Adam watched as Jaz began to sweat and her eyelashes got spiky from tears she was trying to restrain.

"Almost done, Jazzy. Sixty seconds."

McG was true to his word and sixty seconds later he started bandaging. Her body shook in reaction to this newest trauma and Adam couldn't resist brushing his hand through her hair.

"It's all right, Jaz. I've got you."

She closed her eyes and remembered very similar words he had said to her just days ago. They were as reassuring now as they had been then. She felt the blanket being pulled up to her chin while her face was wiped with a dry cloth. She pulled her hand in under her cheek not realizing her fingers were still entwined with Adam's.

As Jaz rested her cheek on their clasped hands Adam was amazed at the softness of her skin. How could someone tear that skin open without a second thought? How could Jaz have gone through that amount of punishment and still managed to gather enough strength to strangle her captor? She was just amazing to him.

"Top, I think she's asleep now if you want to stand up," McG mentioned.

"I think I'll stay here until I'm sure she's asleep. What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking she'll be better in the time frame I gave her. The wounds were infected but easy to drain. Now with antibiotics on board and sterile bandages, they should start to heal. Give it twenty-four hours or so and she should start feeling better."

"Why weren't the wounds bandaged in the first place?"

"I think they were. I noticed some wet bandaging in the bathroom trash but didn't think much of it. They must have fallen off when she was washing up this morning. She can't see back there to know what's going on. With as much pain as she's in, she probably didn't realize those wounds were getting worse."

She shivered on the couch drawing Adam's attention back to her. Her eyes were opened again but her pupils were dilated.

"Thank you," she said softly, "Thank you for coming to get me. But don't do it again. You could have died trying to save me. I'm not worth your lives."

"There isn't going to be another time, is there boys?"

The "hell, no's" echoed throughout the space.

"As for being worth it, you have more value than you'll ever know."

A tiny smile curved her lips as McG walked up behind him and rested his hand on his shoulder, "You do realize she's high as a kite, right? She can't be responsible for what she says."

"Or perhaps the medication lowered that prickly shield she has and we're hearing what she really thinks," he responded.

"Let's hope she doesn't tell us what she really thinks of us. Have you seen the looks she gives us sometimes? The ones veiled under her lashes when we do "idiotic male things"? It makes me shiver. If looks could kill."

"Maybe the medication will let her tell us how she really feels. Right, Jaz? I know you love us."

"I do."

"Even Amir?", he asked with a smile.

"Uh huh."

"You all heard it. She loves us all. Even you Amir."

Preach's deep voice echoed throughout the room, "Leave her alone Adam. She'll get you later if you don't. You know she will."

Preach did have a point but Adam was pretty sure she wouldn't remember. Jaz would normally never rub her cheek against their clasped hands but she seemed happy enough to do it now. Her eyes closed again so he stopped speaking to her. He watched her while the rest of the guys worked on dinner. The relaxation of her body showed him that she had finally drifted off into a deep sleep just before dinner was served. He carefully extricated his hand from hers and joined the boys at the table.

"Try to be quiet if you get up in the night. I want to leave Jaz out here to sleep," he said.

Everyone nodded their heads. They were all pretty solemn after their first clear glimpse of some of her more severe wounds. Adam asked the question that had been weighing heavily on him.

"McG, did you know about her back?"

He shook his head, "I knew there were lacerations but I didn't know she'd been whipped. She never told me. In fact, she wouldn't let me look at most of her wounds. You know she tends to be a private person. I know she was more open at the hospital but they just gave me the strictly physical report about where lacerations and severe bruising was located."

"Knowing Jaz, she probably didn't want us to know. Didn't want us to have to think about it," Preach stated.

"Probably not. I know I could have gone the rest of my life without knowing what she was going through while we scrambled to come up with a plan. Fortunately we did come up with a rescue plan. Now we just need a new plan. One that gets Jaz healthy both physically and mentally," Adam said.

"I should have been keeping a better eye on her wounds, Top. It didn't occur to me that she wouldn't be able to tell when she was getting into trouble. Tomorrow I'll go over everything with her. The restlessness and blurred vision were dead giveaways that there was infection brewing," McG said.

"Plenty of blame to go around. I didn't even give that any thought when she was so restless. I just figured the pain was getting to her from her position in the chair. I kept working on my reports never realizing she might be getting sick. Going forward I'll keep a closer eye on her when I volunteer to stay with her."

"I think for tonight I'm going to stay out here with her, Top. I'll keep monitoring her vitals and give her the antibiotics she needs. I can sleep in the morning."

"Okay, McG. I can sit with her again tomorrow during the day. I have requisitions to submit and I usually do them out here at the desk anyway."

The rest of the night passed quietly with every member of the team finding a ton of reasons why they needed to be in the common area. Jaz was oblivious to the worried glances as she slept.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: Thanks again for all of the reviews and private messages telling me how much you like the story. I think this will likely be the next to the last chapter. Has anyone heard for sure if the show was cancelled or renewed for a season 2?

In the wee hours of the morning, hours after everyone else had turned in, Jaz's shivering woke her. She was so cold. Trying to stop her teeth from chattering was a losing battle. McG stood up from a chair across the way where he had been reading a book. Clearly he'd noticed she was awake.

"I already covered you with three more blankets. Let's try something new. Is it okay if I pick you up?"

"Just. . .don't. . . drop. . . me," she stuttered out between the chattering of her teeth.

"A tiny thing like you? I'd have to turn in my man card," he said with a smile.

In fairly quick order he had her in his arms and pushed the IV in front of them as he took her and her five blankets back to the recliner. He sat with her in his lap and reclined the chair. Her head was quickly tucked into the crook of his shoulder and the blankets were pulled to her nose. He gently wrapped his arms around her waist as she shivered in his grasp.

"You okay like this, Jaz?"

She nodded her head a couple times and draped her arm against his chest. Over time the shivers began to abate as warmth traveled through her and weariness quickly followed. While Jaz enjoyed the feeling of being warm for the first time in a while, McG couldn't believe how hot she felt in his arms. It was like he was burning up just holding her. He needed a distraction.

"Did I ever tell you why I became a soldier, Jaz?"

When she shook her head he started telling her his tale. It was a long one and by the time he was done Jaz was sound asleep and he was drifting off himself.

A few hours later Adam was staring at them feeling like he should take a picture. McG's feet were hanging off the too short recliner and a large pile of blankets was in his lap. He had to look pretty hard to find Jaz in the mound. The only reason he was successful was that McG was resting his cheek on top of her head. She must have either been really upset last night or freezing. He was going with the later. From what he could see of her face she looked a little better. Yes, she was still flushed, but it wasn't nearly as bad. He reached over and touched her forehead with his fingertips confirming that while she was warm she wasn't throwing off the blazing heat of yesterday.

He was startled by Preach's voice behind him.

"How is she?" he whispered.

"A little cooler. The antibiotics must be working. I'm thinking we all eat breakfast at the Mess this morning. Let them sleep."

"Agreed. Amir was in the shower. I'll let him know the plan."

After their less than stellar breakfast they returned to find the two still sleeping. McG sensed their stares and opened his eyes first.

"What?" he asked quietly with an edge to his voice, "She was freezing. Anyone of you would have done the same."

"Don't get defensive. You're right. We were just trying to decide if we should wake you so you could go sleep in your own bed. But the two of you looked so cute."

McG gave him the finger, the face that he was his commanding officer notwithstanding, and then used the same hand to touch her forehead.

"Could you get me the thermometer? She's wet. I think her fever may have broken."

Adam handed him the thermometer and he quickly scanned her forehead pleased to see her temperature was down to 99 degrees. He reached around to lower the leg of the chair while keeping a secure grip on her. She started to stir almost immediately and her eyes opened to find everyone staring at her.

"Everything okay?"

Adam asked the question on everyone's mind, "We'd like to ask you the same question. You okay?"

"I think so. I'm not as cold as before. I could use a warm shower though."

"Not with those nice fresh bandages I put on you last night. Speaking of which, do you think you can stand in front of me?" McG asked.

Once Jaz nodded Preach grabbed the pile of blankets from her lap while Amir grasped her wrists and gently pulled her up. She bobbled a bit but got her feet under herself. Preach draped a throw around her shoulders from the front to try and keep her warm while McG carefully looked at her bandages. They were now wet from when her fever broke.

"Jaz are you okay standing a little longer?"

She nodded her assent.

"Must be your lucky day. I'm going to take these off because they're wet. I'll put some waterproof dressings on the worst and then you can shower. We can replace the absorbent pads afterwards."

She tensed as he touched her, but for a guy with big hands, he was gentle as he peeled off the bandages and replaced them with new waterproof versions.

"How's it looking?"

"Better. You still have a ways to go but the wounds are'nt as inflamed."

He moved out of the recliner to let her sit back down and crouched in front of her.

"You need to be careful not to overdo just because you're feeling better. I would say maybe 10 minutes on your feet to every two hours sitting. Your body needs all it's resources to heal."

"Okay. I don't think I could stand longer than 10 minutes anyway."

"Do you want to try for that shower now?"

"You have no idea how much."

"Okay. A shower it is."

Jaz grasped McG's forearms to get upright. She reached for the IV pole with one hand while holding onto McG with the other. They made their way to the bathroom and he got her settled on the toilet lid.

"I'll get you some clothes. Don't get up. I'll disconnect you from the IV when I get back."

She did as he ordered and stayed where she was. She was looking forward to the shower but realized she didn't have much energy left after making the trip there. Fortunately McG was back quickly with a pile of clothing for her. He very efficiently capped off the IV.

"Remember to keep the shower short. We'll replace the bandages on the rest of your back afterwards."

"Okay."

He left her alone in the small area and she took the opportunity to use all of the facilities. Once she managed to get out of her sports bra, and hadn't that just been a fun filled adventure, she quickly got in the shower and soaped up her hair allowing the suds to wash down her body. She was running out of energy fast. She soaped and rinsed what she could and then got out, wrapped herself in a towel, and sat back down to rest.

"Everything all right in there, Jaz?" Adam asked through the door.

"Yes, I'm just resting. I'll be out in a few minutes."

"Okay. I'll be waiting. McG ran down to the hospital to get more supplies. I'm going to add what's left of the gauze pads to the wounds on your back that aren't covered."

Her heart fluttered at the thought of Adam touching her but she pushed the reaction away. She managed to get both her pants and a new sports bra on, and that experience had also been super unpleasant, but she survived. The shower had still been worth it but not by much. If she didn't have such a limited wardrobe she would just cut her clothes off in the future to make the process easier. She grabbed a dry towel to wrap around the front of herself and opened the door to find Adam really was standing right there.

"Okay?" he asked again.

"Yes, but I need to be sitting soon. Could you get my shirt for me?"

He leaned in and grabbed the button down while she started down the hall leaning against the wall. He helped her get settled sidewise on the couch so he could have access to her lower back where the damage was concentrated. When Adam touched her she barely restrained her startle. His hands felt different on her bare skin. McG was all business but Adam was gentler which was a suprise to her.

"Okay, I'm all done. If you let go of that towel and position your arms I'll slide this shirt up to your shoulders so you can button it in front."

She was skeptical of his idea but the shirt was on with a minimum of fuss.

"I can tell you're surprised. I've had enough injuries through the years to learn all of the creative ways to get dressed. You don't stay in the field this long without getting banged up every once in a while."

"So I've joined a special club, huh?"

"Definitely. You survived an Iranian prison. Not many Americans can say the same."

"Not many Americans have a team like mine."

"That's true. We are the best of the best."

"And so modest too," she replied with a smile.

"Speaking of the best of the best, we're only that way because we have the right equipment. Care to help me with requisitions?"

Jaz was happy to do anything to help the team. She was anxious about their survival especially knowing they would have to go out in the Field without her until she was healed. She and Adam worked together companionably throughout the day. McG came and went checking the IV and changing bandages as needed. Every time he was done she got a thumbs up. She was on the road to recovery.


	6. Chapter 6

Authors Note: I was very sorry to hear that our show has been cancelled. Such great storylines with wonderful actors who brought the characters to life. May the characters live on for many years here in fanfiction.

Two more weeks passed and Jaz knew she was close to being cleared to return to duty. She was back to all of her regular activites of daily living: showering, making meals, doing laundry, etc. She had even taken a long jog around the Base and was feeling pretty darn good. Right up until she got home and saw the "go bags" out front and Preach standing in the shade waiting for her.

"I was going to go look for you," he said.

"You guys are headed out?"

"Yes. We'll be back tomorrow. Even though we won't be here watching you, I wanted to remind you that we'll know if you aren't taking care of yourself."

"Yes, sir," she said quietly as her heart rate increased at the thought of them leaving.

"We'll see you soon, okay?" he asked as he stared into her eyes.

"Okay," she responded while she pushed down the very beginnings of panic.

He definitely was going to say more but the rest of the team came out in a flurry of activity. She felt him squeeze her shoulder gently in reassurance. Apparently Preach knew exactly what was going on in her head.

She watched as they loaded into the truck. Each one of them taking a moment to say something to her before they left. She watched for a few seconds as the truck rolled down the road. Leaving her alone. She turned away before they saw the single tear that rolled down her cheek.

Preach watched her until she went inside. He wasn't the only one. Everyone was doing the same.

"She took that better than I expected," Adam announced.

"I don't like leaving her behind. She needs to get cleared so she can return to the Field with us, Top," Preach told him.

"Last week I would have agreed with you that she wasn't ready to be alone but this week she's getting stronger. More able to do for herself."

"Trust me, I live in a house full of women and she isn't doing as well as you think. Physically she's better. But have you noticed that she hasn't said a word about what she went through in Iran?"

"I read the debrief, Preach. She shouldn't have to tell us what happened again."

"Let me take the question a little further. Would you agree that Jaz can be secretive?"

Adam couldn't stop his smile. Jaz didn't talk a lot about herself, so when she shared things, it was like being given a gift of her trust. But if she thought it was something you didn't need to know, you would never hear about it.

"Of course she is, but in this case I don't think she's trying to keep a secret. I think she's still coming to terms with what happened."

"I will agree with you that she's still coming to terms with it. It's just unusual that there hasn't been a single comment about her experience beyond thanking us for coming. I had hoped we'd be there while she processed what happened."

"We'll be home tomorrow. She'll be okay for one night."

Unfortunately the mission was FUBAR due to poor intelligence. They got the job done but it took ten more days than expected. One of their longest missions. They were all exhausted and couldn't wait to get back home. The whole time they had been away, in the back of his mind, all Adam could think about was Preach's concern about Jaz being alone.

He had spoken privately with Patricia on several occasions about that and she had promised that people were keeping Jaz up-to-date on their status. She personally had delivered two of the updates via video link. He had also spoken briefly with Xander and the counselor had promised to check on her. Yet it still didn't seem like enough.

When the team pulled up in front of their housing, Adam noticed Jaz wasn't there to greet them. He would have thought she would have heard them coming. Preach noted the lack of her presence too but a shrug was all he could offer. Adam knew he needed to see her before he went to sleep.

"Good work everyone. Hit the showers, grab something to eat, and get some much deserved rack time. I just want to check in with Jaz and then I'll join you."

He checked all her usual haunts and finally found her in their exercise area. Blasting motivational music and hitting the crap out of the heavy bag. He leaned against the door frame and watched her. Her back was clearly healed in order for her to put so much force into her hits. But he wondered how long she had been going at the bag. She was soaked and a puddle of sweat was on the ground. Her muscles were clearly delineated. Too delineated. She had lost weight she cuoldn't afford to lose. When she turned to hit the bag from a different angle he saw the dark circles under her eyes. Yet another concern for him.

"Jaz", he said softly during a pause in the music and watched as she whipped around to look in his direction.

"You're back! Everyone okay?" she asked as she started to walk towards him unwrapping her hands.

"Just tired and hungry. How are you?"

"Good. Healed up. Just waiting for my field clearance."

"Hmm. What have you been doing while we've been gone?"

"The same counselor that sprung me from the hospital has been stopping by to talk at me. He seems to want something from me but I can't figure out what. I get the impression I'm his current puzzle. In between his unannounced visits I've mostly been doing PT. Trying to get stronger."

"You do know you were supposed to get better gradually, right? You didn't have to squeeze it in so fast."

"I'm fine."

She wasn't fine. She sounded okay but she didn't look so great.

"I'll hit the showers, Top, and join whoever is still awake in the kitchen when I'm done."

"Okay."

They went their separate ways and Adam returned to the kitchen to see food on the table. They were too tired to cook anything so cheese, fruit, and bread were today's feast. Anything was better than MRE's. Preach caught his eye and he nodded indicating he had seen Jaz.

While they were quietly eating, Jaz was curled up on the floor of the shower bawling her eyes out. She had cried more while they had been gone than she had in her entire life. Now they were tears of relief, rather than worry, but there was so much emotion that she was choking on it. The whole time they had been gone she had tried to assure herself that they'd all be back, that they were the best of the best, and that they'd be okay without her. But in the back of her mind she had worried the whole time. They were short a person, she was their best Overwatch asset, and if something happened to one of them because she wasn't there, she would never be able to live with herself. God how she'd wished Elijah had been here. He would have hugged her and convinced her that she was going to be okay. She'd had a hard time convincing herself. All she knew for certain was that she needed to pull herself together and get out to the kitchen to see them with her own eyes.

McG heard the cadence of her short stride before he saw her. He and Top were the last two finishing off their breakfast. She'd have to catch up with the rest of them later. He saw her smile as she entered the room but that was the only good thing he could say.

"Hey, Jazzy. Good to see you up and around. Top said you were working out when we got here. I assume blaring that crap you like to listen to?"

"Of course. How anyone can work out to that country crap you like is a mystery to me."

She was passing by him to the fridge when he reached out and snagged her wrist pulling her into the chair next to him. Her bone structure was noticeable.

"I saved you some of the aged cheddar cheese you like. Amir was going to eat every bit of it. No common courtesy at all."

"Is that so?"

"It's so. I want you to remember what I did for you, so that the next time I piss you off, you aren't so hard on me."

She laughed as she bit down into the chunk of cheese he handed her before she got up to get a bottle of water to go with it. She was unaware that her face still showed evidence of her tears. They were more concerned about her now than they had been when her wounds were infected. In comparison that was an easy fix.

They filled her in on all of the many things that had gone wrong on the mission. It was recited with a ton of humor but they all knew that in the moment it hadn't been funny at all.

"Why don't you boys hit your racks? I'll clean up and put a stew together in the slow cooker for when you wake up hungry. My least favorite thing about the longer missions is when we lose the regular meal schedule."

Both men wanted to stay with her longer but they were bone weary. Too much risk of potentially saying the wrong thing to her in their worry. They wandered off to bed while she did exactly what she had promised: cleaned and cooked. She knew it was going to be another lonely day, and probably night, because she wouldn't be surprised if they slept the clock around.

By nighttime she was feeling antsy. She stuck her head into each of their sleeping quarters to check on them and lingered a bit before moving on. She ultimately grabbed a blanket and went outside to look at the stars. She had spent almost every night doing the same. Sleep had quickly become the enemy. Nightmares of the boys dead and dying plagued her sleeping moments. The dreams about Top dying, while trying to rescue her, were the worst. It was to the point now where she just tried to catnap. She had learned while they were gone that sleeping outside was better than inside. The fresh air let her know that she wasn't in that white room any longer.

Jaz's late night circuit of their rooms didn't go unnoticed. Preach might joke that Adam could sleep through a jack hammer but that was really only in optimal circumstances. Other times he slept lightly in order to defend himself and his team if necessary. He wished he knew that he was trying to defend Jaz from. She had lingered no more than five minutes at each room before moving on. He checked the clock after she had left his room and noted it was 0200. Even being on regular Base time she should have been in bed sleeping. The sound of the door opening in the distance grabbed her attention. Slipping quietly into sweatpants and a T-shirt he walked out into the common area. He peered through one of their few windows to see her settling on the couch they had pulled outdoors. Her head tipped back to look at the stars. Something she had learned from him. Stargazing served many purposes but helping to settle the soul was the one he was most familiar with. He debated going out to her but ultimately decided to leave her to her thoughts. Hopefully the stars would give her peace.

McG was awake earlier than usual and found the note on the table that the stew was now in the fridge and ready to be reheated. Sounded good to him. He was quiet as he completed his task and walked over to the window with the surprisingly good stew. He saw the blanket on the couch and then realized the blanket had long dark hair. He couldn't believe Jaz was out there sleeping at 0515. While the sun would be up soon it was much too cold for anyone to be sleeping out there. He grabbed his coat, after he finished his stew, fully prepared to carry her in.

He was startled by her voice as he stepped outside, "Did you come to look at the stars with me?"

"Without a nice toasty fire? Unlikely."

"Getting soft in your old age?"

"Please. I'd last longer than you in the cold. There is a lot more of me than you."

"I'll have you know I've been out here for hours. No problem."

 _Oh, really. Cause that's normal when you could be sleeping in heated comfort,_ he thought to himself.

"What's so fascinating out here?" he asked aloud.

"It's quiet plus the sky is so big it makes problems seem insignificant. It was here before I was born and it will be here after I'm gone."

He did sit next to her and looked up for a few minutes but didn't feel the satisfaction she seemed to feel.

"Your stew was good, Jaz."

"Of course it was. Did you expect anything less?"

"I wasn't sure if you might be mad at us. Maybe add some extra pepper by "accident". After all, we did leave you behind."

"I wasn't thrilled but I also wasn't ready. Being there would have put you at more risk. I'm close to being ready now."

"Really? How about you show me what you've got?"

"Could I have some caffeine first?"

"Sure. Knock yourself out. Before I do it in the ring," he teased with a smile.

"You aren't that good. You just have a longer reach which gives you an advantage. But I'm pretty sure you'll remember that I've put you on the ground plenty."

"Yes, you have."

They both headed back inside. Jaz knocked back some caffeine while McG changed. Shortly afterwards they were sparring. He started out easy on her but it became apparent that she was much, much better. They each had the other on the floor multiple times. When she swept his feet out from under him again, he grabbed her around the waist and took her down with him. Her laughter filled the room. She tried to get up but he tightened his arm around her holding her in place.

Adam watched the two of them from the shadows. McG stared at the ceiling trying to catch his breath while she did the same sprawled across his chest. She tried to get up again but he kept her tight against him.

"All jokes aside, we missed you, Jaz. How are you doing?"

"Okay."

"Really? You don't look okay."

"Seriously, McG? You're usually smoother with the ladies."

"Hmm. Seems to me like you're trying to avoid the question. I'm not going to let this go. You want me to be specific? Are you sleeping?"

"Of course I sleep."

"Really? In your room?"

"Sometimes. I like it outside."

"It's too cold out at night to sleep there when we aren't on a mission. When we're on Base we're supposed to be getting quality rest."

"I sleep better outside."

"Sleeping indoors didn't used to be a problem for you."

"I know but times change. I've changed."

"We all change, Jaz. Not one of us are the person we were last month or even last week. Things happen to each of us that affect how we look at the world around us."

"God, McG. Since when did you get so philosophical?"

"I've learned a little bit from Top and Preach. However, in general I'm more of an "in the moment" kind of guy."

"And that means?"

"It means I live moment by moment. I'd like you to give it a try. You don't have to be fine all the time. There'll be moments when things are falling apart for you and that's why the rest of us are here. Just like you're here for us when things go wrong. How many times have you save my life now? Five? Six?"

"I don't keep track of that kind of stuff. Just as long as you keep living I'm happy enough."

"How many times have you sat with me when I've been injured? Or when I've had nightmares?"

"I don't know but I'm happy to do it."

"I feel the same. We all feel the same. When we didn't know where you were, we worried about what was happening to you. I kept waiting for you to start talking about it but you haven't. I don't even want to venture a guess at what's going on in your head at night but I bet it isn't sunshine and roses. Until you've worked through it, let us help you. You don't have to do everything on your own all the time."

"Is this lesson over?"

"I guess. I'm pretty sure I'm out of philosophical brilliance."

As they got to their feet and walked away, Adam had to admit he was mightily impressed by what he had just heard from McG. He had managed to connect with her to a certain level. He still hadn't gotten to the bottom of the problem but he had definitely opened the dialogue.

The rest of the day passed beautifully. Jaz seemed good. Ate every meal with them, worked out at the range with them, and generally seemed much improved than before they had left. She even took herself off to her room like normal to sleep.

Unfortunately everything went wrong for her from there. Her sleep was plagued with images of her hands covered in their blood. Knowing that they had died because of her. She jerked awake on a gasp to find herself covered in sweat. She needed air. Wrapping herself in her blankets she slipped into her shoes to go sit outside. Much to her disappointment it was pouring down rain. There would be no stars tonight. She knew she needed to center her mind so she walked the length of the common area back and forth but it wasn't working. She kept seeing their corpses. Feeling like it was her fault but not knowing exactly why.

She found herself driven to check on them. She started with Amir who was clearly fine. She stuck her head in McG's room, and based on his snoring, she knew he was fine as well. Preach always slept with his door open and a glance showed he was fine. Top's room was the last one. He was so quiet when she entered that she had to walk very close to the bed. Was he breathing? She jerked back when he shifted on the bed. Obviously he was alive and well. She had thought now that she had checked in on everything that she would feel better. She didn't. The fear and worry that something had happened or would happen to them haunted her. Less during the day because she was busy. But at night? The nights were awful. She backed up to the corner of his room near the door and sank down to the floor wrapping her blankets around her like a cocoon. What she wouldn't give to steal some of his usual calm. God knew she needed it.

Unbeknownst to Jaz, Adam was awake the second she started checking the rooms. His was apparently the last stop on her journey. He watched her through his eyelashes as she approached the bed. Based on the rain pounding on the roof, she wasn't able to escape outside. He wondered what she would do now. It wasn't long before he had his answer. After she crept close to him, she moved as far away as she could, while still staying in his room, and sank to the floor. She fidgeted for a long time staring at things he couldn't see. His heart broke as she wiped away a tear that rolled down her face. He wished he could turn back time and take away everything she had suffered. Everything that she was still suffering. He watched her for about an hour until her body went limp and he knew sleep had claimed her. He drifted off himself. In the morning he knew she was gone before he had even opened his eyes. He needed to give some thought to how to help her while not making her feel more vulnerable.

Unfortunately for Jaz it rained for the next few days. When the nightmares came she would go into Top's room and sit in the corner. She still wasn't sure why sitting in his room worked almost as well as looking at the stars. On the fourth night he startled her by getting out of bed and sliding down the wall to sit next to her. He was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt which was not his normal bedtime attire.

She continued staring straight ahead, "You know?"

"Of course I know. You go to your room and a few hours later you start wandering from room to room, end up here, manage to get some sleep, and are gone when I wake up."

He pressed a shoulder to hers. "I'm good at keeping classified information. Talk to me."

She shook her head, "I can't even say it out loud."

"Mind if I talk?"

She shook her head again.

"At first I thought you were having nightmares about being tortured. Reliving the experience at nights. But then I notified you were checking on us as if you expected that one of us would be dead or gone when you looked in. I know that feeling. It was pure terror when you were captured. I was worried about you being hurt, being killed. I was worried that I wouldn't find you in time and that you would be dead and that would be on me."

She started shaking her head.

"It doesn't matter what you think. It was how I felt. Feelings aren't always logical."

He watched as she opened her mouth to say something before closing it again. She took a deep breath and finally spit it out.

"You're dead. In my dreams you're dead. You're all dead because you rescued me and I'm the only one of the team left alive. Your families are devastated because of your loss. In some dreams your blood is literally on my hands. You have to know that you took a huge risk coming for me even though no one in my family would care if I was dead."

"Maybe not the family that gave birth to you but this family would care very much. This may come as a surprise to you but I've had a couple nightmares since we've been back too. Nightmares that you're dead and that you suffered before you got there. But you know what I do? I remember in the dream that you wouldn't want us to feel like we were responsible."

"Because you wouldn't be."

"You're right. We wouldn't be. The people that did the act would be responsible. Not us. But we would miss you and it would take time to come to peace with what happened. Just like any trauma, recovery takes time. You aren't giving yourself that time. I know you're worred that you may never be "fine" again and that's just making your situation worse. You will be. I can promise that with a certainty. You just need to give yourself some time Jaz. If you need to stay here with me to sleep, you don't have to sneak around. We'll make you a nest right here in the corner. Hell you can sleep in my bed and I'll sleep here in the corner. It wouldn't bother me at all."

"The guys would love to see that."

"That's what I'm trying to tell you. They wouldn't say a word. Every one of them would do the exact same thing for you. If the beds were big enough we'd let you join one of us. However, since we barely fit on them, that isn't going to happen. You can't tell me that if Elijah was still here you wouldn't be in this bed with him close by. He wouldn't have let this go on as long as I have. After the first night he would have slept when you slept and been outside with you when you couldn't. Elijah would have easily found the words to help you understand that this is all the normal process of healing from a trauma."

She leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her waist. A rare moment of accepted solace.

"You're right. Elijah wouldn't have let things go on as they've been but he could also read my mind. Sometimes he knew what I needed before I did. Do you know you remind me of him sometimes?"

"I will take that as the high praise that it is. But, if I could read your mind, we wouldn't be at this point and my life in general would be much more boring."

She laughed quietly. She knew she kept him on his toes. They stayed huddled on the floor in silence for the couple hours left of the night before starting their day as always.

The next day passsed quickly and when night came she ultimately ended up in Top's room again. True to his word there was a thick nest of blankets for her in the corner just in case. Listening to him breathe gave her peace and she managed to sleep through the rest of the night. Not a single nightmare dared to intrude. She found herself there for the next two nights. On the third and fourth nights she partially awoke to him putting her back in her own bed about halfway through the night. He would linger until he was certain she was asleep. Ultimately she discovered that Top was right, because on the fifth night after their talk, there were no nightmares. No suffocating fears. She slept through the night in her own bed and was ready to take on the world when she woke.

Apparently time really was all she had needed. Time to physically recover and time to mentally recover. When the next mission came she was ready to go with them. She smiled at her guys as they headed off together to save someone who needed them. Just like her team had saved her.


End file.
